


not shining, not golden

by orphan_account



Category: Gossip Girl
Genre: Comment Fic, Dark, Gen, Male-Female Friendship, POV Female Character, POV Third Person, Prompt Fic, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-17
Updated: 2012-12-17
Packaged: 2017-11-21 09:49:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/596323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The thing is, when a boy tries to rape you, that's usually a sign that you and he aren't going to be friends or anything.</p>
<p>written for a comment ficathon on lj, prompt was: <i>sorry about the blood in your mouth. i wish it were mine.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	not shining, not golden

The thing is, when a boy tries to rape you, that's usually a sign that you and he aren't going to be friends or anything. She shouldn't be, she knows. She should be damaged and resentful and all of that, but there a lot of things she should be, and never is. Good friend, good kid, good girl - she's fucked it all up by this point, so there's no reason she should try and commit to being a good victim, too.

He drinks too much and says terrible things, but there's something about him that makes her feel way less alone. Like he's on her side by default, just to try and make up for it all.

Truly, she doesn't want his apologies - she'll take the gin and the awful company, but she'd rather just forget the rest of it. Like a bad joke that nobody laughs at, like an outfit that just doesn't work, it feels to her like one of those shitty decisions that you just shove under the rug so you don't have to think about what a crap person you are. Except it wasn't her shitty decision. It barely has anything to do with her. So, _rug, shoving_. She's quite adept at it, really, but he's latched onto it with hands like teeth.

_These are my mistakes, Jenny,_ he says with his quiet smiles and bad advice. _Let's catalog them. Let's write the book on them and never stop reading it._ He sets himself up like a terrible person, like that's supposed to stop everyone resenting him for acting like a terrible person. Personally, she'd rather not resent anyone.

Blair is tiring - and tired - and Dan has such big ideas and Nate is an idiot and. Everyone is a bit of an idiot, really, Chuck included. If she was going to be angry about it, she'd have to get started now and never stop.

He smokes too much and says terrible things and if this were film noir it would be just so romantic, but as it is, it's just kind of pathetic. If they were cardboard cut-outs of people, they would be beautiful and tragic, maybe. Sometimes she's sure they actually are; cardboard cut-outs, that is, not beautiful. Things are never beautiful if you look hard enough at them.

He smiles at her like the devil after a rough night and he isn't beautiful at all.

He says terrible things and she nods along, because she thinks terrible things all the time.

"I'm sorry," he says, when he's too drunk to say anything else, and she flicks ash at him and tells him to get fucked. He nods, and says it again. _These are my mistakes, Jenny. Do you want to count them?_ She doesn't really. She's got a running tally of her own, and already they take up too much space in her head.

He says terrible things, and she drinks his gin and nods along.


End file.
